Romantic relationships as therapy

The personality traits commonly regarded as socially undesirable—Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism—do not merely shape a romantic relationship; the quality of the relationship can also influence the personality traits of the partners involved and, in the best-case scenario, even mitigate them. This was the finding of psychologists at Friedrich Schiller University Jena in a new study. For their research, they analysed data from around 1,900 couples. The Jena-based researchers have published their findings in the »Journal of Personality and Social Psychology«.

Psychologists use the term »dark triad« to describe traits that are generally perceived as socially undesirable: Machiavellianism—the tendency to manipulate and exploit others—, psychopathy—ruthlessness and a lack of empathy—and narcissism—the tendency towards self-aggrandisement. »Each of us possesses these personality traits to varying degrees. As a rule, they do not accept pathological dimensions«, explains Anna Braig.

The psychologist at the University of Jena has investigated how these traits affect romantic relationships in young adulthood—and vice versa. To this end, she analysed data from 1,925 couples with an average age of around 36, who were surveyed three times at two-year intervals. This approach also allows the influence of changes within the relationship to be captured. The information comes from the German Relationship and Family Panel »pairfam«. Her finding: »Personality and relationships do not develop independently of one another. Rather, they influence each other«, says Anna Braig.

Socially undesirable traits lead to lower relationship satisfaction

For her study, she took a closer look at the effects of these antagonistic and self-centred traits on key aspects of a relationship: »A strong manifestation of these traits leads to lower relationship satisfaction and calls the longevity of the relationship into question«, explains the Jena-based psychologist. »Furthermore, so-called reciprocity orientation—that is, the expectation of something in return—and the tendency towards verbal aggression are greater.« None of this bodes well for a healthy relationship.

At the same time, however, the research findings revealed a surprising influence of the relationship on the expression of socially undesirable traits. »The more positively these aspects of a relationship are rated, the more the traits of the Dark Triad diminish«, explains Anna Braig. »Experiences within a partnership are therefore driven by a reduction in these dark traits, which in turn helps to make the relationship more positive.« Narcissism, in particular, has the greatest influence on a relationship, but can in turn be best regulated through the relationship itself.

Relationships influence personality development

»We know that, as people get older, the expression of these socially undesirable traits generally diminishes«, says Prof. Dr Franz Neyer from the University of Jena, who was also involved in the research project. »With this study, we show that romantic relationships can play an important role in this—particularly with regard to the expression of such traits described as ›dark‹. One can grow through a relationship and thus develop in a more socially desirable way. In this respect, a partnership already constitutes a kind of therapy.«

About »pairfam«

The data for the study comes from the representative long-term study »pairfam«, in which, between 2008 and 2022, around 12,000 people, their partners and their family members were surveyed annually to gather information over an extended period on the participants’ life and relationship satisfaction. Whilst data collection has now been completed, the data continues to be analysed in numerous studies.